Ruby BCS Slippers

Last Sunday the first BCS standings were released. Boise State had crushed another insignificant opponent (albeit by only 7 points after struggling the entire game). Cincinnati had pulled away from an overrated South Florida in the final quarter. A 2-3 Arkansas gave Florida all it could handle, and Florida escaped narrowly with a 3-point victory (after a questionable call late in the game against Arkansas, for which the SEC officiating crew has been suspended). Alabama took care of business against a low-ranked South Carolina. It took Texas all it had to defeat a miserably pathetic Oklahoma team. Georgia Tech spanked then-(4) Virginia Tech. USC survived (thanks to Duval Kumara's last second slip in the end zone) a furious Notre Dame comeback in the 4th quarter. Purdue kicked the living sh*t out of Ohio State for most of the day and eventually won the game. And ranked teams like Nebraska and Kansas lost to unranked teams by significant margins.

Whew. Week 7, however surprising this continues to be to some people, ended up giving us the same conclusions that each previous week has: the polls are a joke, the pollsters are clueless, no one pays attention to record versus schedule strength when ranking a team, decent teams are only decent because they're demolishing horribly weak teams, and teams that were supposed to be decent (according to the pollsters) are losing to unranked, weak teams that are not supposed to be decent. Haven't we learned yet, coaches and sports writers? Hmm?

What is it going to take to wake you morons up?

(1) Florida barely won by a field goal (with the help of a horrible call) against unranked Arkansas
(2) Alabama defeated (22) South Carolina (save your applause until the final paragraph please)
(3) Texas snuck past (20) OU by 3 points with OU's backup quarterback playing most of the day
(4) Virginia Tech was absolutely slaughtered by (19) Georgia Tech
(5) Boise State beat unranked Tulsa by only 7 points (shhh, applaud later I said)
(6) USC needed an Irish wide receiver to fall down to escape (25) Notre Dame's comeback
(7) Ohio State was summarily dismantled by possibly the worst team in college football, Purdue
(8) Miami (FL) showed us their muscles by ripping up good ol' Central Florida

Do I really need to keep going? Ok, fine.

(12) TCU demolished another unranked, pathetic opponent, Colorado State
(15) Nebraska was manhandled by unranked Texas Tech by 21 points
(17) Kansas lost to an unranked Colorado team

Is the point made yet? Do you all see the absolute absurdity in this bullshit poll system? Am I alone in the Land of Logic here folks?

I'm sure my points seem repetitive, week after week. But what else is there to talk about when the glaringly obvious is staring us all in the face? College football's ranking system has become like that wonderfully wrapped Christmas present beneath the dimly lit tree on Christmas morning: you want it to be a brand new stereo or bike or Play Station Whatever, but when it's unwrapped, its horrific truth is revealed: it's just an ugly argyle sweater, for god's sake, from a great aunt with a hairy mole on her upper lip that you haven't seen in 12 years. Who the f*ck wants an argyle sweater?!

I won't even go into detail about the BCS rankings that were just released. Suffice it to say that, of course I find them full of lunacy and illusory justice, and I think that those of you who subscribe to their supposed "cure-all" to produce a "true national champion" are just as blind as the coaches and pollsters who are ranking these teams in the first place. The fact is, though the BCS uses certain computer rankings in its magic formula (where are we, in f*ckin The Land of Oz now?!), it still uses the human polls (AP and Harris) to "calculate" 2/3 of a team's final ranking. How in the living cockf*ck is that mathematically producing a true national champion?

Maybe we'll all get lucky someday and a goddamn house will fall on those ugly, sparkling, f*cking BCS rudy slippers. I'm not a fan of politics at all, but Jesus, I hope Orin Hatch from Utah makes a point and Congress outlaws this Land of Make-Believe waste of my time. Even Stevie F*ckin Wonder can see this nonsense.